Recently a freelance journalist contacted administrators on an online forum I occasionally visit. Apparently she’s working on an article for Cosmopolitan magazine and is in the process of finding a case study. She’s requesting to conduct interviews with willing female members on the site. The article is about involuntary celibacy and she’s looking for women between the ages 21 to 34 who are virgins to talk about “incel” and how it affects their relationships.
My first thought was a person who’s involuntarily celibate would probably be having problems establishing relationships in the first place… Nevertheless, it sounds like it could be an interesting read. I’ve only become familiar with the term “incel” in recent years. It seems most of the information and support surrounding it is associated with “love shyness” and aimed at men — most likely since the problem is more common among them. Still — with news of this upcoming article I think it’ll be a breath of fresh air to have it recognized on a wider scale as an issue among women as well.
Wikipedia defines incel as this:
Involuntary celibacy (or incel) is the state of a person who has not established an intimate relationship or engaged in sexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy or sexual abstinence. The term is used especially for people who, despite general expectations, have had little to no sexual or romantic experience. Incel generally affects males more than females.
The definition seems accurate in the general sense. But there are a few aspects of involuntary celibacy that was not addressed in the above explanation. For example, I don’t believe a person needs to be a virgin to be incel. The term applies to an individual that remains celibate and not by choice. It’s possible for a person to have been intimate with someone in the past and become incel later in life. Also, I think it’s important to note that it’s not a sexual problem, but more of a social one. As opposed to voluntary celibacy in which a person deliberately chooses not to have sex, involuntary celibacy involves someone who wants to have sex and may even be attempting to establish intimate relationships but are not seeing results.
I’m not sure which issue of Cosmopolitan the article will be featured in but I believe it’ll be the UK edition. One of the requirements for a case study would be having a picture taken for the magazine. I guess the editors would prefer to put a face behind the people interviewed. Personally, I wouldn’t have a photo taken since I’d prefer to keep a level of privacy. But kudos to any women on the forum who actually go through with the interview and photo!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Apparently, the article was released in Cosmopolitan’s December 2009 issue. I’m assuming it was in the UK edition since I didn’t see it in the US magazine. It’s called “The Accidental Virgins”. How coincidental.
Now I just need to get a hold of the back issue somehow.
I am most definitely an incel. I have never had a boyfriend. I have trouble establishing initimate relationships not just romantic ones with men, but also platonic ones with females. Although I am saving my virginity for marriage NOW, I really only use that as a reason to cover up the fact that I am unable to establish the kind of relationship that want to get to the point that I would willingly give up my virginity. Don’t get me wrong many have offered to take the virgin burden of my hands, but I just need a deep emotional connection (like Love) with someone I am attracted to. Don’t know why it’s so hard for me to find someone and why I have to wait so long in comparison to the majority of other women. I feel ugly.
((25 y.o. old maid)) — I understand how being in such a position can be stressful and how much it weighs at your confidence. If love is what you really want then keep looking for it. And I’m not saying that as to sound condescending…but if what you really want is for an emotional connection it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to give up on satisfying that desire–so don’t!